What did I change in my writing

From yesterday's writing, I added some examples in each paragraph in order to make my point more persuasive. I also corrected the last paragraph because I used a quote, but I don't want to explain more about the quote because I want the readers to think about it and have some in depth thinking. The effect of examples is to convince readers that cameras shouldn't be placed inside dorms. Evidence like example would make thesis more convincing.