Revision

                             The blur 

My eyes were opened, staring at the white ceiling. My mom knocked on my door, but I didn't answer. She came in with her special scent, " oh, sweetie, rise and shine." She opened my grass-like green curtains. The light from the outside world stabbed my eyes, so I had to half open my eyes. The ceiling was so clean, and I didn't have a thought to get off my warm bed. I winked my eyes for a couple of times and looked out the window.

I could barely see anything through the window. Everything was vague; I wiped my eyes and realized that it was a foggy day. Fog covered nearly my entire scene, making my sight blurred. I remembered that I used to play in the fog when I was little; the air used to strike my body every time I breathe in. The plants outside were covered with fog as well. Although I couldn’t see the flowers clearly, I saw the red color on the top of flowers, like decoration in this white fog. The sense of obscurity made the whole scene so romantic.

I stretched myself and yawned, then got off bed finally. Standing in front of the window, I couldn’t help but open the window because I missed the smell of fog so bad. The window was unlocked, so I just pulled out and used a stick to support it. In the meantime, I took a deep breath with my face facing outside. “ Jesus Christ!” The air came into my throat immediately, and made me want to puke! It almost smothered me! 

I rushed to the dining room, and saw my mom was eating her breakfast “ Remember to take a respirator with you when you go outside mom, because there is serious haze pollution outside.”

revision

                             The blur 

My eyes were opened, staring at the white ceiling. My mom knocked my door, but I didn't answered. She came in with her special scent, " oh, sweetie, rise and shine." She opened my grass-like green curtains. The light from the outside world stabbed my eyes, so I had to half open my eyes. The ceiling was so clean, and I didn't have a thought to get off my warm bed. I winked my eyes for a couple of times and looked through the window.

I could barely see anything through the window. Everything was vague; I wiped my eyes and realized that it was a foggy day. Fog covered nearly my entire scene, making my sight blurred. I remembered that I used to play I the fog when I was little; the air strikes my body every time I breathe in. The plants outside were covered with fog as well. Although I couldn’t see the flowers clearly, I saw the red color on the top of flowers, like decoration in this white fog. The sense of obscurity made the whole scene so romantic.

I stretched myself and yawed, then get off bed finally. Standing in front of the window, I couldn’t help to open the window because I miss the smell of fog so bad. The window was unlocked, so I just pulled out and used a stick to support it. In the meanwhile, I took a deep breath with my face facing outside. “ Jesus Christ!” The air came into my throat immediately, and made me want to puke! It almost smothered me! That was no fog or fresh air! That was haze produced by pollution!

I walked to the dining room, and saw my mom was eating her breakfast “ Remember to take a respirator with you when you go outside mom.”

first draft

    I opened my eyes, staring at the white ceiling. My mom knocked my door to see if she could come in, but I didn't answered. She came in and said " oh, sweetie, rise and shine." She opened my grass-like green curtains and left. The light from the outside world stabbed my eyes so bad. I was still staring at the ceiling and didn't have a thought to get off my warm bed. " why did she open my curtains? I love living in dark atmosphere." I murmured. I winked my eyes for a couple of times and looked through the window.

I could barely see anything through the window. Everything was so hazy; I wiped my eyes and realize that it was a foggy day. Fog covers nearly my entire scene, making my sight blurred. I used to play in the fog when I was very little, so fog was literally my favorite thing. There were many plants outside with their vague bodies swaying in the air. Although I couldn’t see the flowers clearly, I saw the red color on the top of flowers. The sense of obscurity made the whole scene so romantic.

I stretched myself and yawed. Finally, I struggled to get off bed; After standing in front of the window, I thought,  “ Ok, it’s time to get some fresh air.” The window was unlocked, so I just pulled out and used a stick to support it. In the meanwhile, I took a deep breath with my face facing outside. “ Jesus Christ!” The air came into my throat immediately, and made me cough for a while, which almost smothered me! No! That was no fog or fresh air! That was haze produced by pollution!

I walked to the dining room, and said to my mom, “ Remember to take a respirator with you when you go outside mom.”

The blur

  I opened my eyes , staring at the white ceiling. My mom knocked my door to see if she could come in, but I didn't answered. She came in and said " oh, sweetie, rise and shine, you have a pair of drowsy eyes." She opened my grass-like green curtains and left. I was still staring at the ceiling and didn't have a thought to get off my warm bed.  " why did she open my curtains? I love living in dark atmosphere." I murmured. The light outside began to stab my eyes. I winked my eyes for a couple of times and looked through the window.

How to make a good writing with techniques ?

         People may say that " I can't make a good writing." That's not necessarily true as long as you know how to wield these techniques. A good writing will not come out easily, and techniques are the main element  to make a good writing.
         To start with, a good writing will have a not very good-looking first draft. That's totally fine, because no one is capable to have a perfect first daft. But editing is very crucial to a piece of good writing.  Editing can make your writing more colorful and vivid.  There is a saying " Practices makes perfect". This works the same for editing, the more you edit, the more perfect your writing will be.
         Second, you should regard writing as creating a piece of art. Because you take your heart with you to finish this writing.  A proper analogy is to use a knife to carve your writing little by little, but not use a hammer to make a rough writing.  Your writing can be simple, but it has to be delicate.
         Besides those, a good writing needs to make readers feel confused at first, and then make them delight. What I meant by that  is that reading a piece of paper is learning. You can propose questions to let readers think about, but you should explain and give them the answer. The questions you propose don't need to be very obvious, you can give readers a hint and lead them to think about it.
          The last but not the least thing is your structure and organization. Doing writing is like doing math, it has to be logical and organized. If your writing doesn't have a structure, that may confuse readers. As a result, readers will feel exhausted and lose their interest in your writing. Organization is also good for readers to learn as your writing is teaching them. They will feel more comfortable to read what you write with a good structure.
        In short, these are the basic things your writing needs, and we should keep working on those.

Self-assessment

    Personally speaking, I am on the level of three for this food essay. 
The main reason is that my thesis is too long and too specific, and is not concise. Although my topic sentences are all about my thesis, but I feel like they are not coherent enough. Besides that, my essay is organized, and each reason for why I love rice noodles is very clear.The sentences and description is very detailed. Another thing that I need to improve is my use of words. I should probably use some words that aren't very common .                                 





         

Blog8

    After these months of studying writing and composition, I found myself some improvements and things that I need to stills work on.
    The first  goal that I set up in the beginning of this semester was to improve my grammar, and make the sentences i write make more sense. I have been working on this goal for a long time, and I have seen some improvements on my grammar. I used to confuse the tense of verbs, sometimes i used present tense, sometimes  I use past tense. And I have been focusing on this area. After practicing, I found myself have fewer grammatical mistakes, and even I have some I would notice,  so I can revise them.
   The second goal that was about have the ability to analyze. To be honest, I don's like analysis, i think it's very complicated. And yet, we had a lot of chances to practice how to revise a piece of paper.And when we revise those pieces of paper, we have to analyze them. Therefore, I think I can do the analysis of a writing better now. But still, I need to keep working on this.
   The their goal I set was to be able to write other forms of literature such as poems. We had a couple of chances to practice that, and i basically know how to use rhythm to write a poem, and I enjoyed writing it. So I want to keep working on that and try to know something new about the forms of literature.
  In short, I have been working on this goals well and I will keep working. The most important thing for me on the path to success is to know my advantages and disadvantages, so I would know where I should be working on.

Honoring Rice Noodles (rivision)

                                              Honoring Rice Noodles

   China is a country with about 5000 years of history. During this long period of time, various food has been created, which makes China have a huge diversity of food in the world. However, there are different types of food in different regions. In southwest of China, where my hometown is located there, is famous for spicy food, but, I’m not going to introduce hotpot or staff like that. I want to describe a very common food in China, but people from other countries may not know-- rice noodles, and Mixian is another name for them.  I love eating rice noodles because eating them doesn't cost me much time, and they are cheap but delicious.Most importantly, they are probably the best things that can represent my childhood and immaturity. 

  First of all, rice noodles are different from normal noodles based on their appearance and taste. They are made of white rice, which make them seem white. Unlike noodles, they are not very elastic. Vulnerable, is approximately what I can describe them. When I eat them, it is very easy for me to break them. But this is also why they taste somewhat smooth, so I would rather choose rice noodles than normal noodles. Since they are noodles, I don’t need to follow the sequence of eating like I eat other food such as soup, dishes, and white rice. It’s convenient for me to eat them just with a pair of chopsticks, and you can use forks if you want. Since they are mixed with soup, they are usually called rice noodles soups. I can finish it up in twenty minutes, isn't that amazing?

  In addition, rice noodles are cheaper than those Chinese takeaways, but they are not cheap on their taste. They probably cost me under 20 RMB, while I eat a normal meal by myself it will practically cost me 100 RMB. Plus,I usually get full after eating one bowl of rice noodles.  They are cheap, but that doesn’t mean that they are not tasty. Rice noodles are not just noodles boiled with water, various spices can mix with them.For me, I prefer to put dry hot peppers, soil sauce, vinegar, garlic, and caraway. The beauty of rice noodles is that they are easy to be cooked but hard to cook its taste. These spices will make the rice noodles tasty. In fact, people could put whatever spices they want to make rice noodles delicious.

  The last but not the least thing is that rice noodles are one of the most precious things  to me. When I was young , my grandparents made very delicious rice noodles soup. Thus, every time I eat rice noodles my grandparents will come to my mind. We have less time together when I grow older, so I couldn’t eat  rice noodles they made anymore.  Eating rice noodles makes me feel home, since I eat a lot when I’m with my grandparents. However, my grandparents and me live in separate cities, so it is not very often for me to visit them. Therefore, rice noodles are like the connection between them and me. Time flies, grey hair has grown on their heads, but my love for them never changes. I feel like home when I eat rice noodles, and sometimes I can smell the scent from my grandmother even though she is far away from me. Rice noodles are memories of my childhood. 

   My parents and I all understand that I won't visit them very often once I choose to study abroad. To be honest, I am somewhat regretful, because being here means I will have less time to be with my family and friends. And yet, I have to be responsible for the path I have chosen; I am not an immature little child any longer. I remembered that my dad told me “ If you do think you can’t handle this, you are welcome to come back.” My dad said this to support me and he didn’t want to give me so much pressure. This is my decision, and I will keep going no matter what because I am already half an adult. Rice noodles are my childhood and immaturity to me, they accompanied me for years, and finally, I can’t have them anymore.Rice noodles made by grandparents are the most precious thing for me. Even though I have fewer chances to eat them, I will not forget what they taste like. Rice noodles said goodbye to me, so did immaturity and my childhood, but I will honor them because they were part of my memories.

Blog: how to revise the final draft

    In this piece of writing, I found that I have several problems that I need to fix.
   To begin with, the introduction needs some improvements. The hook is not attractive enough, but I think it's not a bad one. The thesis for this essay is very detailed, but I think it's not very  concise. I used a lot of words to describe the characteristics of rice noodles in general, so I need to shorten it. I am thinking about combine some of them.
  In addition, I have a lot of comma splice mistakes that u have ignored before. Then found these errors and I revised them. These comma splice sentences basically have two independents clauses, which I think are common mistakes to me. I can use less "I" in the beginning of sentences, instead use some strong descriptive words.
   Besides those, the last sentence of each paragraph is not very connective to the thesis, but the topic sentence of each paragraph is good though. I probably need to work on the connection between the last sentence of each paragraph to the thesis using similar words that I used in the thesis.
    I think I did a good description of the rice noodles, but not vividly enough. Using more details, and describe it from senses like its smell, it's looking.
   In short, these are the things I am working on and I will keep working on in order to make my writing better.

rivision of food

                                Honoring Rice Noodles

   China is a country with about 5000 years of history. During this long period of time, various food has been created, which makes China have a huge diversity of food in the world. However, there are different types of food in different regions. In southwest of China, where my hometown is located there, is famous for spicy food, but, I’m not going to introduce hotpot or staff like that. I want to describe a very common food in China, but people from other countries may not know-- rice noodles, and Mixian is another name for them.  I love eating rice noodles because eating them doesn't cost me much time, and they are cheap but delicious.Most importantly, they are probably the best things that can represent my childhood and immaturity. 

  First of all, rice noodles are not exactly look like noodles you see every day. They are made of white rice, which make them seem white. Unlike noodles, they are not very elastic. Vulnerable, is pretty much what I can describe them. When I eat them, it is very easy for me to break them. But this is also why they taste somewhat smooth, so I would rather choose rice noodles than normal noodles. Since they are noodles, I don’t need to follow the sequence like I eat other food such as soup, dishes, and white rice. It’s convenient for me to eat them just with a pair of chopsticks, and you can use forks if you want. Since they are mixed with soup, they are usually called rice noodles soups. I can finish it up in twenty minutes, isn't that amazing?

  In addition, rice noodles are cheaper than those Chinese takeaways. They probably cost me under 20 RMB, while I eat a normal meal by myself it will practically cost me 100 RMB. Plus,I usually get full after eating one bowl of rice noodles.  They are cheap, but that doesn’t mean that they are not tasty. Rice noodles are not just noodles boiled with water, various spices can mix with them.For me, I prefer to put dry hot peppers, soil sauce, vinegar, garlic, and caraway. The beauty of rice noodles is that they are easy to be cooked but hard to cook its taste. These spices will make the rice noodles tasty. In fact, people could put whatever spices they want to make rice noodles delicious.

  The last but not the least thing is that rice noodles have some special meanings to me. When I was young , my grandparents made very delicious rice noodles soup. Thus, every time I eat rice noodles my grandparents will come to my mind. We have less time together when I grow older, so I couldn’t eat  rice noodles they made anymore.  Eating rice noodles makes me feel home, since I eat a lot when I’m with my grandparents. However, my grandparents and me live in separate cities, so it is not very often for me to visit them. Therefore, rice noodles are like the connection between them and me. Time flies, grey hair has grown on their heads, but my love for them never changes. I feel like home when I eat rice noodles, and sometimes I can smell the scent from my grandmother even though she is far away from me. Rice noodles are memories of my childhood. 

   My parents and I all understand that I won't visit them very often once I choose to study abroad. To be honest, I am somewhat regretful, because being here means I will have less time to be with my family and friends. And yet, I have to be responsible for the path I have chosen; I am not an immature little child any longer. I remembered that my dad told me “ If you do think you can’t handle this, you are welcome to come back.” My dad said this to support me and he didn’t want to give me so much pressure. This is my decision, and I will keep going no matter what because I am already half an adult. Rice noodles are my childhood and immaturity to me, they accompanied me for years, and finally, I can’t have them anymore.Rice noodles made by grandparents are the most precious thing for me. Even though I have fewer chances to eat them, I will not forget what they taste like. Rice noodles said goodbye to me, so did immaturity and my childhood, but I will honor them because they were part of my memories.

Honoring Rice Noodles

                                Honoring Rice Noodles

   China is a country with about 5000 years of history. During this long period of time, various food has been created, which makes China have a huge diversity of food in the world. However, there are different types of food in different regions. In southwest of China, where my hometown is located there, is famous for spicy food, but, I’m not going to introduce hotpot or staff like that. I want to describe a very common food in China, but people from other countries may not know-- rice noodles, and Mixian is another name for them.  I love eating rice noodles for some reasons :it is very convenient for me to eat, they are cheap but delicious, and I can put whatever spices I want in the noodles. Most importantly, they are probably the beat things that can represent my childhood and immaturity. 

  First of all, rice noodles are not exactly look like noodles you see every day. They are made of white rice, which make them seem white. Unlike noodles, they are not very elastic. Vulnerable, is pretty much what I can describe them. When I eat them, it is very easy for me to break them. But this is also why they taste somewhat smooth, so I would rather choose rice noodles than normal noodles. Since they are noodles, which means I don’t need to follow the sequence like I eat other food such as soup, dishes, and white rice. It’s convenient for me to eat them just with a pair of chopsticks, and you can use forks if you want. Since they are mixed with soup, they are usually called rice noodles soups.

  In addition, rice noodles are cheaper than the normal food I eat. They probably cost me under 20 RMB, while I eat a normal meal by myself it will practically cost me 100 RMB. Plus, I usually get full after eating one bowl of rice noodles.  They are cheap, but that doesn’t mean that they are not tasty. Rice noodles are not just noodles boiled with water, people usually put spices in the soup. For me, I prefer to put dry hot peppers, soil sauce, vinegar, garlic, and caraway. You may think I put a lot of staff in the rice noodles soup, but these things will make the rice noodles tasty. In fact, these are the basic things that people put in China.

  The last but not the least thing is that rice noodles have some special meanings to me. When I was young , my grandparents made very delicious rice noodles soup. Thus, every time I eat rice noodles my grandparents will come to my mind. When I grew little older, we have less time together, so I couldn’t eat  rice noodles they made anymore.  Eating rice noodles makes me feel home, since I eat a lot when I’m with my grandparents. However, my grandparents and me live in separate cities, so it is not very often for me to visit them. Therefore, rice noodles are like the connection between them and me. Time flies, grey hair has grown on their heads, but my love for them never changes. I feel like home when I eat rice noodles, and sometimes I can smell the scent from my grandmother even though she is far away from me.

   My parents and I all understand that I will have fewer chances to see them once I choose to study in another country. To be honest, I am somewhat regretful, because being here means I will have less time to be with my family and friends. And yet, I have to be responsible for the path I have chosen. I remembered that my dad told me “ If you do think you can’t handle this, you are welcome to come back.” My dad said this to support me and he didn’t want to give me so much pressure. I know this is my decision, and I will keep going no matter what. Therefore, rice noodles are my childhood and immaturity to me, they accompanied me for years, and finally, I can’t have them anymore. Now, in this country, bread is what every body eat every day. I would love to use an analogy: bread is like maturity to me, because here I am, independently. Bye, rice noodles, and I should probably say hi to bread.

I wish chocolate could live longer

     One of my resolution is to wish chocolate , which is my dog, to live longer. She is already 9 years old, she is an old dog. She is very special since she is all black, and she is very cute. I fell in love with her since the first time I met her. Chocolate has accompanied me for nine years, and I really appreciate that. She is not a dog to me, she is my best friend. A dog can live approximately 10 years, and I really don't want to lose her. She is in China now, so I don't have many chances to see her. I just wish she could live longer, and be with me for a little longer.

Top 5 new year's resolution

1. I want to travel to Italy again
2. I want to get a driving license.
3. I wish that me and my family will have good health in this year.
4. I wish I could have good GPA scores.
5. I hope my dog Chocolate could live longer.