Final draft of revision

   I have a pair of headphones that I have been using for two years. I like them for a reason: first, they have good sound effects, but this is not the only reason that I love them. These headphones can make me see my wish; they make me see what I want to see. In other words, they make illusion.
  The headphones are white with red lines on it, they have a red wire as well, which makes them very fashionable.  Two soft earmuffs on both sides, which I like the most. The headphones were a gift that my mom brought me on Christmas the year before last year. My mum went to America without taking me, which made me disappointed for a while. However, after she brought these headphones back, I felt delighted. The headphones looked just like other headphones, but after the first time I put it on, everything has changed, and I knew it was a very unique pair of headphones.
  Doing two things at the same time is always my appetite. I was reading a book called " Silence", which was a love story of a girl who hadn't spoke since she was five. I always felt sorry for her because what happened to her was a tragedy. I put the headphone on. Suddenly, I saw pictures of the characters I had been always imagining: Cole and Oakley. Who were the main characters in the book. I saw they were together and watching a movie in their house, Oakley was the girl who didn't speak. Cole and Oakley had been friends since they were born, and finally they were with each other. However, Oakley moved to Australia, which wouldn’t allow her to be with Cole. They were both depressed. And yet, I was looking right at them the moment I put the headphones on. Oakley was shy, and Cole was looking at her, then they kissed. They made a vow that they would never leave each other again.
  The second time I put it on I saw my favorite “superhero”: The Amazing Spiderman. And of course, my idol is the person who acts The Amazing Spider Man --Andrew Garfield. When I put my headphones on, I was standing in Times Square. The Spiderman was so charming from inside to outside. The Spiderman was saving people's lives in the Times Square, including mine. He saved me, and when he left, he winked. My stomach punched; it was so real. He was my super hero and I couldn't believe what I saw.
  The third time I put them on was when I felt upset about homework. I was so frustrated that day. Not only I had a lot of homework on that day, and I couldn’t finish it, but also I was in a bad mood. However, I put my headphones and then felt energetic. Suddenly I knew all the calculation in math, all the analysis in History, and the clue to write an essay in English. I was so excited, the headphones did do me a huge favor.
  These headphones have brought me amazing experiences and I even had emotions with it. I regarded as my friend, when I felt depressed, I put them on, and then I could enjoy and relax. I could even feel that they have the same feeling for me; it seems like they were designed for me. They couldn’t leave me because they felt so proud to make people happy.

Three best writing revisions from my point of view

"The city of CA"
Sera Savas
I liked it because she describes it as a real city, which is very imaginative. The analogy is very proper, and did give me an image about how the campus is like. In addition, she also talks about people's occupation in this small city, which I think she not just shows the scenes, but also the real life.

Walk among dream and truth
Leo
This is a very attractive writing. First of all, it's because of its title, which makes me think a lot about what the story is going to be about. Plus, the content is interesting, and his description is very vivid.

A special canvas
Amanda
 It is very descriptive, and gives me a sense of art. I love this writing because of its organization, which can really make the reader see this masterpiece. Plus, the opening induces me to read more even though it's just a simple sentence .

revision of a bottle called Rango

A red bottle called Rango

   I have a water bottle that I use every day. It is about 9 inches tall, the radius of it is about 0.25 inches. The different thing about this water bottle is that I named it Rango because it’s like a friend to me. You may think it’s weird to name a bottle, but I named it for a reason. Owing to the fact that 70% of the human body is made up water, Rango becomes my best friend, and he always keeps me from dehydrating.

Rango was bought when I was visiting Harvard. When I was thinking about buying a souvenir from Harvard, I saw him. He has beautiful reddish color, and he is also translucent. Rango is a charming bottle because the design is not only beautiful but very useful. There is a huge white word Harvard on it, which is a logo. The logo follows the shape of the water bottle, and the word is clear and obvious. Below the logo, there is a word bpafree, which I guess is the factory that made it. The cap of the water bottle has a sense of design. There are two ways to open the water bottle: one is to rotate the cap; the other way is to push down the clip, and open the mouth. The clip I designed for convenience, which let me drink water easily. Plus, there is another figure on the cap, which is like a rotating flower. This is also the logo of the factory that made Rango. This little flower show the amiable side of Rango, which I think is quite cute.

  I never paid attention that the water bottle is not only red, but it has some white parts. The combination of red and white makes its design so simple but stereo. The white parts embellish the whole water bottle, makes it more novel. Furthermore, the thing that I just found out is that it has a graduated ruler on one side of it, it’s like a graduated cylinder. And the part of the cylinder is concave. Plus, there are two units: milliliter and oz.  Rango provides me with convenience when I want to measure how much water I drank a day. Rango did help me lot with my diet, and he helps to make me healthier.  I have never noticed that before at all, now I realize what is so-called “ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”  The last part of this water bottle is its white rubbery plug inside the clip. The plug is very soft but elastic, so that it can plug the water from inside of the water bottle, so that the water will not get out of it.

  Rango is like a truly friend to me, and he keeps reminding me that I need to “hydrate” all the time. He takes care of me a lot, and now I need to pay back: clean him up and pour water into it. My new day starts.

revision of "They are not only headphones"

   I have a pair of headphones that I have been using for two years. I like them for a reason: first, they have good sound effects, but this is not the only reason that I love them. These headphones can make me see my wish; they make me see what I want to see. In other words, they make illusion.

  The headphones are white with red lines on it, it has a red wire as well, which makes it very fashionable.  Two soft earmuffs on both sides, which I like the most. The headphones were a gift that my mom brought me on Christmas the year before last year. My mum went to America without taking me, which made me disappointed for a while. However, after she brought these headphones back, I felt delighted. The headphones looked just like other headphones, but after the first time I put it on, everything has changed, and I knew it was a very unique pair of headphones.

  Doing two things aat the same time is always my appetite. I was reading a book called " Silence", which was a love story of a girl who hadn't spoke since she was five. I always felt sorry for her because what happened to her was a tragedy. I put the headphone on. Suddenly, I saw pictures of the characters I had been always imagining: Cole and Oakley. Who were the main characters in the book. I saw they were together and watching a movie in their house, Oakley was the girl who didn't speak. Cole and Oakley had been friends since they were born, and finally they were with each other. However, Oakley moved to Australia, which wouldn’t allow her to be with Cole. They were both depressed. And yet, I was looking right at them the moment I put the headphones on. Oakley was shy, and Cole was looking at her, then they kissed. They made a vow that they would never leave each other again.

  The second time I put it on I saw my favorite “superhero”: The Amazing Spiderman. And of course, my idol is the person who acts The Amazing Spiderman. When I put my headphones on, I was standing in Times Square. The Spiderman was so charming from inside to outside. The Spiderman was saving people's lives in the Times Square, including mine. He saved me, and when he left, he winked. My stomach punched; it was so real. He was my super hero and I couldn't believe what I saw.

  The third time I put them on was when I felt upset about homework. I had a lot of homework on that day, and I couldn’t finish it. However, I put my headphones and then felt energetic. Suddenly I knew all the calculation in math, all the analysis in History, and the clue to write an essay in English. I was so excited, the headphones did do me a huge favor.

  This headphone has brought me amazing experiences and I even had emotions with it. I regarded as my friend, when I felt depressed, I put it on, and then I could enjoy and relax. I could even feel that it has the same feeling for me; it seems like it was designed for me. It couldn’t leave me because it felt so proud to make people happy.

Strongest vs. weakest

Weak:
What makes New York interesting is its buildings.
They all have more knowledge.
The students must work hard and be successful, so that the future's world can be better.
when they want to ask something about the school life.
They control mostly everything about the school,and they come first as the people that are in charge of school.

Strongest
As we can see when we look around the campus, the buildings look old, since the city of CA has a huge history.
The teachers always want the best for students so that they won't get bad grades or get kicked out of the school.
They want to own the business and run it afterwards.
That's why they have to get out of the "worker zone" and step into the "boss" zone.
People who work in the academic office control students' academic situations and if they miss classes or get bad grades, they diced what to do, whether changing class of dropping class.

Korean food

During this Thanksgiving break, one of the meals that I ate was Korean food. I ate a lot on that night because it was delicious.
 First there was meat, which was barbecued, and there was some beef and chicken. The beef looked reddish with blood, after barbecuing, it looked pretty tasty. I could even smell the blood at first. Then there were some other food such as soups, rice, noodles, and Korean pickles.  The rice was white rice and it was very soft. However, the soup contained vegetables, tofu, pork, and I loved it because spicy food is my favorite. The soup even smelled pretty spicy. And yet the noodles were not spicy at all; they looked tasteless and might be salty. Plus, I also ordered pineapple juice. It was yellow and the glass is filled with ice as well. I put the straw in it, and when I drank it, I felt the pineapple juice flawed through my throat and then stomach.
   I like Korean food because it was similar to the food in my hometown since they were all spicy.

a red bottle called Rango

A red bottle called Rango

   I have a water bottle that I use every day. I named it Rango because it’s like a friend to me, since 70% of human body is made from water. It was bought when I was visiting Harvard, and it was bought in the Harvard’s store. It is reddish and it is translucent. Its color is very beautiful and the design is very useful. There is a huge Harvard on it, which is a logo. The logo follows the shape of the water bottle, which is very obvious to see. Below the logo, there is a word bpafree, which I guess is the factory that made it. The cap of the water bottle has a sense of design. There are two ways to open the water bottle: one is to rotate the cap; the other way is to push down the clip, and open the mouth. However, there is another figure on the cap, which is like a rotating flower.

  I never paid attention that the water bottle not only is red, but it has some white parts. Furthermore, the thing that I just found out is that it has a graduated ruler on one side of it, it’s like a graduated cylinder. And the part of the cylinder is concave. Plus, there are two units: milliliter and oz. I have never noticed that before at all. When I open the clip, there is also a white rubbery plug that can stem the water inside the water bottle.

  The bottle is very useful and it reminds me to drink water every day.